Broken
by saiken2009
Summary: A continuation of Rebecca's story from my fic Quiet Desperation. Rebecca finds herself falling and unable to get up when four friends pull her back up. For Jedistarmonkee, Dolenz, Farfisa and Plushchrome. Dark themes.


Author's Note: Rebecca would like to thank a few people: her very own Mike, Peter, Davy and Micky: Farfisa, Plushchrome, Jedistarmonkee and even Dolenz. And even her friend who lost her aunt, but still realized just how much pain Rebecca was in and didn't give up on her. And most importantly just listened.

Broken

Rebecca sat quietly in the bathroom. She had been sobbing alone for nearly half an hour and was now determined as the sounds of the numerous voices in her head swam through her thoughts. They were the only thought she had anymore. The words of people she had once called friends. The words of people she had trusted to be there and support her. Who had now turned on her. Leaving her alone in the bathroom with nothing but their words.

It had been a few years since she had met the four musicians who had saved her from this dark place the first time and a small thought formed in her mind to call them; to reach out to them as they had asked her to do whenever she needed help or found herself in this dark place, but she couldn't. She couldn't let anyone into this world. She couldn't drag anyone down into the darkness with her and she wasn't even sure who she could trust. Her friends, after all, had been the ones to betray her.

They had been there for her when she first started down this path; Kristy and Donna. She had been there for them in return when they needed it. They hadn't been friends long, but long enough to care about each other enough to do things for each other. Donna had offered her kind words and allowed her to freely speak her mind and Rebecca had tried so hard to make Donna's single dream come true. But now was all different.

Kristy had tried talking to her, but then had suddenly done a complete turn around and decided she didn't want to talk anymore; didn't want to support her anymore. Kristy had said that the cuts on her wrist had been merely surface marks; that they didn't mean anything. That no matter how much she talked about it, because she was only making small insignificant cuts on the surface, she wasn't really going to try and kill herself. That her pain didn't mean anything.

She got upset by these words, instantly going back to the words her step-mother had said to make her suicidal in the first place. The words her step-mom had said to egg her on and convince her she was only good to everyone dead. That she had only made surface marks to create drama and she'd never really do anything. Rebecca instantly felt abused again by just a few simple words. And she recoiled into herself. Shutting everyone out and let something else replace her. It was like she was possessed by something else. She lashed out at everyone who tried to help her. She pushed every last one of them away. Even Donna. Even the one best friend who'd been there for nearly 10 years. She couldn't trust any of them not to hurt her. She just wanted to run away.

But something in her had told her to get help. That this wasn't the end. But when she finally reached out to her friends, most were mad at her for the things she'd said. None of them understanding she couldn't help it. None of them understanding that because she felt like she was regressing back to her abusive childhood, she had let an angry beast overtake her and do horrible things to her friends through her. She tried to apologize, but her words never came out right. She was still in pain. And the source of her pain hadn't stopped.

Kristy had kept going. Kristy was telling Donna and everyone else she could to ignore Rebecca. To be prepared for the drama Rebecca was starting. That Rebecca wasn't really in pain and didn't deserve to be helped. Again, there was that word. Right when she'd been picking herself back up, the word "drama" had reared its ugly head again. Reminding her that she was a drama queen. That all she did was hurt those around her by creating drama. So as she was getting back up, she fell again. Deeper this time. And the monster that had possessed her before took over again.

And that's when she pushed everyone away. Her best friend and roommate abandoned her and once again Kristy went at her; words lashing like knives. Specifically calling her a drama queen to everyone who was listening. Specifically telling everyone that Rebecca wasn't legitimately in need. That was the end of it. That's what made her really snap. That everyone around her thought she wasn't really in pain. That she was just crying out for attention and bothering them all with her pain. Dragging them all deep down into her hole with her. That's when she decided she wouldn't hurt them anymore.

It had been a few minutes since she'd swallowed all the pills, but nothing was happening. So she took the knife off the shelf and sliced her wrist. From the base of the hand up towards the elbow. Hoping desperately to bleed out. She didn't feel the pain. She just felt the cold steel and the dripping of the blood running down her arm. She had said one final good-bye by way of the demon. Yelling and lashing out at everyone; especially the person who made her feel insignificant. The person who had made her feel as though her pain didn't matter.

She started to black out a little, feeling nothing more than the blood running down her arm. She barely heard the knock on the door. When she heard it grow louder, she didn't care; she didn't move. She started to fade a little more and this time didn't hear the door open. She didn't hear her four friends come in to her house and call out her name. She didn't hear anything until they came into the bathroom with her. She barely noticed Mike kneel down next to her and grab a towel.

"Rebecca," she heard Micky whisper next to her as Mike quickly wrapped the hand towel around her wrist to stop the bleeding. "Talk to us. What's the matter?"

"They're gone," Rebecca whispered.

"Davy," Mike instructed, "Call an ambulance. We need to get her to a hospital."

"Who's gone?" Peter asked calmly.

"Everyone," Rebecca answered. "I pushed them all away. They all hate me. They all think I'm just a drama queen. I'm alone and no one cares."

"We care," Peter said. "We're here. We heard you and we're here now. You didn't push us away."

"You're just gonna leave me, too," Rebecca answered without thinking.

"Does it look like we're leaving?" Micky asked pulling her close to him.

"We're gonna get you to a hospital," Mike said. "Get you the help you need, sweetie. You're gonna get through this."

"Why?" Rebecca asked.

"What do you mean why?" Peter asked.

"Why are you going to help me?" Rebecca asked. "Haven't you heard everything Kristy is saying about me? That I'm just doing this for attention? That I'm not really in pain?"

"No," Mike answered. "And even if we had, we wouldn't have listened to it. We see you right now. We see you in pain."

"You deserve help," Micky said. "You're a wonderful person no matter what anyone else says. You're funny, smart, talented. You're there for people when they need you. You help everyone out no matter what the cost to you."

"Yeah, there's that girl you're helping to get her GED," Peter said. "There's that girl who has the son with autism that you're trying to help find fun things to do with other people. And there's that girl who you bought a homecoming dress for. You make friends with people who don't make friends easily. You don't judge other people and people feel like they can open up to you about anything. There are people like us and them who all care about you."

"Anyone would do stuff like that," Rebecca answered suddenly feeling nauseated. "Those are all little things. How does stuff like that make a difference in other's lives."

"Sometimes the flap of the wings of the smallest butterfly can create a wind of change," Mike said. "And you're wrong. Not everyone would do the things you've done. You're a good and loyal friend and you care about other people more than yourself sometimes. I'm not saying that's a good thing, cause it's not, but you're also very, very sick. You're no less sick than someone who has cancer or a brain tumor. You just need a little help just like they do. You need a doctor. And then you'll see that everything is going to be ok. Some people don't realize that the smallest words can cause the biggest pain. And those people aren't worth listening to."

"The ambulance is here," Davy said coming back into the bathroom.

"Rebecca, how many of these did you take?" Micky asked grabbing the pill bottle off the floor.

"Why does it matter?" Rebecca answered. "Please. I don't want to drag you down with me. Just leave me alone."

"We aren't leaving," Peter said. "We'll be here for you as long as you need us. And then some. We're your friends and we aren't going anywhere. We want you to get help. You deserve it. Please don't listen to the other people. You're pain is real. You aren't a drama queen. You legitimately need friends near you. So here we are." Rebecca didn't answer as the medics came into the house and Micky and Mike carefully carried Rebecca into the bedroom so the medics could begin treating her with more room. Micky still held her close and just the warmth of him next to her made some of the pain go away. The medics asked her all sorts of questions about what she did and how much meds she took as they took her vital information and hooked up an IV to her. She didn't even flinch when they poked the needle in her arm, but now she suddenly felt like throwing up. She started coughing and retching.

"Are you going to throw up?" one of the medics asked. Rebecca nodded carefully and felt the burning in the back of her throat. Davy quickly grabbed the trash can from the bathroom and held it out in front of her to throw up in. When she finished, the medics carried in a stretcher and loaded her onto it; reading to take her to the hospital to stabilize her.

The boys all followed the ambulance and waited in the lobby until the doctors had finished stabilizing her. They took blood from her to test and see if she had taken any other drugs and then the boys were allowed back in the hospital room with her. They waited with her for hours while the doctors worked to make sure the drugs she took were washed from her system completely and to bandage the cut on her arm. Then they told Rebecca that they would take her to a psych hospital for further treatment. She didn't want to go, but Mike, Micky, Peter and Davy all pled with her to do it. Reminding her again she deserved to get help. She deserved to be alive and that there really were people out there that cared. That she made a difference in people's lives.

So she went to the hospital. They didn't allow visitors, so the boys went home, but as soon as the doctors told her she could go home, they came and picked her up. They gave her some medication to help her tame the demon inside her; the cancer that controlled her so many times. She finally was able to laugh when Micky cracked a joke on the way home. She smiled when Peter reminded her how important she was. She finally ate something when Davy cooked some soup for her in her kitchen. And after Mike helped tuck her in bed, she finally slept. She had a long road ahead of her before she recovered from this particular relapse, but she knew this was a disease she'd have to fight the rest of her life. But now she knew she had some friends near her who knew that everything she had said and did was because of her disease. There was a little demon in her brain that often took control over her thoughts and her body, just like a cancer like Mike said. And she was grateful they understood and that at least they were able to forgive her. And that they were making sure she was getting the help she needed.


End file.
